WriterGirlBlue

Out of the Closet, and Into the Blue...

2005-11-14T00:17:00.000-06:00

Well, the person behind KT has finally admitted to it, so I can now link over to my real blog. It means I can also finally add the links I've had on this blogroll to my blogroll over there. I've written quite a bit about this little anonymous blog on today's post. That other blog is more of a journal, where I talk about my life. Not everyone's cup of tea, I know, but I don't write it for my readers - I write it for myself. That I have a couple of people who aren't related to me who find it enjoyable to read just makes it that much more rewarding.

This little blog, on the other hand, is done. I will likely see what I can do about just moving these posts over into another section on my site to keep them for posterity, but I won't be adding more to it.

Thanks for reading!

WriterGirlBlue / RaynDragon

Still around, but busy and stuff

2005-09-22T01:11:00.000-05:00

Well, KT is either dead, in prison, on the run, or whatever. We've seen no posts from him in a long, long while. Not that I'm concerned. Although if it meant finding out that he was further away from where I live, then I'd be glad to see a post I guess. Whatever.

My own lack of posts is mainly due to the fact that I have a regular blog I post to daily. There's actually not a whole hell of a lot that I might say here that I can't say there. I normally don't worry about the anonymity thing, but in KT's case I wasn't about to take the risk considering the location he says he's from is within a couple hours driving time of my house. Not that I believe everything I read on the internet, mind you, but I do believe in the whole "better safe than sorry" concept on certain things. Especially being a mom and all.

I dunno. Maybe after a year has gone by without any posts from KT I'll consider just posting a link to my normal blog here on this one. We'll see. No guarantees. If I do, I may also import the entries from this one into the regular one as well. Not to mention combining the blogrolls. It can get tricky to keep up with blogs on two blogrolls. I prefer to just use the RSS feeds whenever possible.

Anyway. I just thought I'd check in as it's been a while since I posted anything over here. Enough for now.

I guess he "beat it" after all...

2005-06-14T16:56:00.000-05:00

The Jackson Trial is over. Thank goodness. Now maybe I can watch the news again without quite so much angst.

I don't know if I'm relieved or pissed that he was acquitted. There's obviously bad things going on in Neverland. Far too many people had that much to say at the very least to have me disbelieve them all. It irks me to no end that he'll walk away without being made to realize he's in need of some serious therapy and a restraining order to keep him from "playing" with kids anymore. Damnit.

On the other hand, if he had been found guilty, the gossip suggests he'd probably have committed suicide. Which would have left him with some measure of infamous popularity just from the act of killing himself. Some people would have jumped on the bandwagon of saying how "misunderstood" he really was and pumped up his image to "dead idol" status. Eeesh. That would have filled the news for at least a couple more weeks too. Major disasters would lose the limelight to the live "Jackson Funeral" coverage.

I just feel for those poor kids. No matter what they're the ones that have gotten the raw end of the deal.

The Dying Bonds of Motherly Love

2005-05-10T00:27:00.000-05:00

The latest new that has been brewing in the back of my mind is this story:

http://www.wpbfnews.com/news/4431073/detail.html
http://www.wpbfnews.com/news/4427081/detail.html
http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-stab03.html

Oh, and this one too:

http://courttv.com/news/2005/0505/son_ap.html
http://www.rferl.org/featuresarticle/2005/5/5E7043EB-DC81-4530-A720-8752CFE69BB6.html

Both of these stories are of children killed in suburbs not far from where I live. One of these suburbs I have actually lived in at one point in my life, back when I was still in an apartment.

In the first story, brought to my attention by a friend of mine, it talks of a woman who stabbed both of her children. Repeatedly. One story I read says she stabbed each of them more than 200 times, using several knives they found throughout the house. There was mention that the older child saw what his mother was doing to his sister and tried to run and call for help, but she grabbed him then instead. Apparently she went back and forth between them, stabbing them to death.

My question is why??? What could possibly have made the woman snap like that? I guess she said she was trying to "protect" them from someone in their new church that she thought was going to molest them... ummm...? huh? I'm sorry but I guess those kids needed protecting from HER instead! Oh. my. (insert appropriate diety here).

How could she do it? Unlike the second story, of a woman who smacked her adopted Russian child around so hard she killed him, this woman who stabbed her children was the birth mother! Where was the emotional bond that mother's are supposed to have to their children? This does not sound like the nurturing, "godly" woman that is described by friends and family to the interviewers. What the hell happened that the bond between her and her children could disappear like that? Or was it never really there to begin with? I wonder if we will ever know. I guess that's part of my morbid fascination with the story - I want to know why!?! Just hearing about it makes my blood run cold and my eyes wander towards my son to be sure he is safe and secure.

The second story is just disappointing. There are perfectly wonderful people out there just waiting for a chance to have a child of their own to love and cherish and provide a good home to, and yet now there are statistics on how many Russian orphans have died after being adopted into American homes. I haven't looked to see what happened in the other cases. I'm not sure I should. Any child - Russian, American, or otherwise - dying at someone's hands is just an awful, gut-wrenching thing for me to hear or read about. It upsets me to no end. Children are so innocent and beautiful, even (and sometimes especially) when they are born with medical problems. It's not their fault! If you haven't got the patience to take on the challenge of raising children, then you shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Hell, if I had my way, you wouldn't be allowed to conceive them until you'd passed some test to prove you were ready! Damnit! Children are the future of this world. If we wish to leave it in good hands then we'd damned well better pick up the slack and raise them to know love and compassion!

AAARRRRGH!!

The Working Mom

2005-04-29T01:04:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. I post inconsistently at best. I'm busy. I work from home and I'm a mom. And thus begins a little bit of a rant for today - those total morons who seem to think that being a "mom" isn't a job in and of itself. That is my job. The other stuff I do that brings in "money" is just moonlighting to help bring in that little bit of extra. My hubby keeps us afloat financially, as best he can, and I, work my ass off taking care of the home.

Now, no - that doesn't mean my house is spotless. Far from it, I'm afraid. What it means is that I take care of the errands that need running, most of the cooking, the laundry, and the important cleaning. Dishes, for example, are important. The dust collecting on the shelves with the knick-knacks on them is not. Sorry, but it drops down on the old priority list. Don't like that? Tough shit. I've got more important things to land my attention on.

Like my son.

Number one on my priority list, nearly 24 hours per day (no sick days, no personal days, and no vacation days without a huge hassle in preparing for them and booking the in-laws to "temp" my job while I'm away), is my kid. He requires food, clothes, regular changing of wet or poopy diapers, some level of routine in his life, and - most importantly - my attention. I take him places. I teach him things. I hug and snuggle him. I clean and kiss his bumps and bruises, and I rock him to sleep when he's sick. No matter where I am or what I'm doing he's not far from my thoughts, and usually not far from my side either. He's my little shadow, my mimic, and my pride and joy. I love him more than I ever imagined I would.

But that sure as hell doesn't mean he isn't a lot of work to keep up with!

He's only two, which means he doesn't yet have the run of the house. I've got gates up in strategic places to keep him where I know he's safe if I need to be looking elsewhere. But now he's learning to climb up onto taller stuff. It seems that every few months I look around the room with a totally new eye - seeing all the new stuff he could manage to get into or hurt himself on. And he love to explore. Although he is rather well-behaved for a two-year-old (in my not-so-unbiased opinion), he still isn't content to always hold my hand and look from a distance. He'll take off running on me to go check something out, proving to me each time that I need to get into better shape before he does! He's little and quick and just bursting full of the kind of energy that one can only have with youth.

There's also the "terrible twos" stage right now, where he sometimes thinks that wailing and carrying on will get him what he wants. I get to play "bad cop" with him a lot, seeing as how I'm the primary caregiver, and so I get to deal with a few more of these each day than I'd like. The kicking his feet on the floor is a nice touch, but it doesn't work on mommy. Mommy's gotta have nerves of steel. Or thick bedroom doors to hide behind when she get's frazzled. I have neither, so I just do my best to pretend I do instead.

He's also in a huge brain development stage. He was a little slower than his peers on the talking thing, although he seemed to get some other things quicker instead so I'm not concerned. However, now that he's discovering that words are useful things - he wants to know all of them. This kid sure knows where his index finger is, and uses it to point at pretty much anything he sees, knowing his mommy is nearby to fill him in on what its name is.

All I'm saying is that the next person that tries to ask me what I do, and then proceeds to say something like "oh, so you don't have a job" is likely to get smacked or ripped a new one. Well, okay, probably not. Because I'm really too nice to actually rip anyone a new one. But I'll think it in my head. And I'll probably glare really, really hard. Being the one staying home with the kid or kids is a really tough job sometimes. It may be more rewarding than most, but that doesn't make it any less difficult than any other job. In fact, if you screw it up - the consequences are far, far worse!

So forgive me if I forget to blog here on a more frequent basis. I'm busy working. And I'm moonlighting during naptimes too.

In Cash We Trust

2005-03-22T14:19:00.000-06:00

I haven't been able to give this blog as much attention as I had hoped. Sorry about that - to the few of you that check in on it from time to time. My life has been super busy as of late, and real life always takes priority over blogs. That's as it should be.

I have to say that this is one of the things I'm finding disturbing at the moment. The whole Michael Jackson trial thing. I have a distinct feeling that this whole case will come down to it being nothing but circumstancial evidence and prove nothing. I'm not reading a lot about it, but what I am suggests that it's just a whole lot of people pointing fingers at each other saying "he/she did that bad thing!" Whether or not Michael Jackson showed kids porn, gave them alcohol, and molested them? We may never know the truth. Lawyers are involved now, which tends to send truth scurrying back to the darkest corners it can find, and brings forth half-truths and little white lies.

Which brings another interesting point to my mind - why do they have you swear on the bible? "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me God" is what they say, isn't it? What if you are agnostic or hold a different belief than what is written in the bible? I know it's a crime to commit perjury, but for some people that only matters if they get caught in the lie. And, if they don't consider it a "sin" because they don't believe in the "God" they are swearing to... hmmm.

Maybe we should have people swear on something more important to them? Like their wallets.

Paper or Plastic?

2005-03-09T22:36:00.000-06:00

I like to recycle. I pride myself on the fact that I use cloth diapers (most of the time) on my kid, and that when we put the trash out each week we have two big overflowing bins of recycling, and only one garbage can that's often only about half-full. For the most part, I toss every little scrap of paper, plastic, aluminum, or styrafoam that I don't want anymore into the bin. And I have bins all over the house for recycling, so there's not much excuse for anyone to toss it in the trash instead. I like the thought that I'm contributing to this world having a better future. It's not much, but it's a little thing I can do. I also know that my area actually does take it to a recycle center. I've heard that some of the other collection services have you sort it all out, get picky about what they'll even take, and then just take it to the dumpster anyway. Bastards.

But what's starting to really annoy me is how much stuff I am recycling that is plastic or styrafoam. Plastic especially. I see a lot of plastic. My groceries come in plastic bags, which we use as liners for our smaller trash bins. We get way more than we need for that purpose though, so every so often I have a huge bunch of them that I don't have a use for. Fortunately, the store I buy from has a bin where I can bring them to, since that's one thing my recycle collectors won't take. Mind you, I don't even see a stack of paper bags at the grocers anymore. Not that I'd trust the baggers to bag them right anymore anyway, but that's another rant altogether.

But there's all the other crap that I do put in the recycle bin. Cookies come in plastic tubs that keep them all lined up. And then those tubs are wrapped in plastic to keep them "fresh", and that plastic isn't recycleable. Soda comes in cans or plastic containers for the most part. I almost feel more responsible drinking my beer which at least comes in glass bottles!

Is melting down this plastic to make other stuff out of it actually better than some of the stuff we were using say, fifty years ago? Or is it just that plastic is cheap and the saving the environment just isn't good for a company's profit margin? Oh, and planting a few trees doesn't actually make up for putting extra pollutants into the air. No matter how nice it might look in the annual report.

I'm getting really sick and tired of people who think time is money and don't give a damned about anything that doesn't affect them right now. Does no one care anymore? What kind of a world will this be for my son? Or his children, for that matter?

Hell in a Handbasket

2005-02-18T17:04:00.000-06:00

We're going to hell. All of us. I'm convinced. Well, except for the part where I don't believe in "heaven" or "hell" specifically.

Why is that? Gosh, I'm so glad you asked!

First of all, our priests (who are supposed to be the embodiment of all that's good and chaste in Catholicism - right?) are still molesting kids! What is that shit anyway? If you let Father Hands play with your ding-a-ling do you get a "get out of sin" free card or something? I mean christ! Errr...

Then there's the guy who bails on killing himself (wrist and chest wounds self-inflicted suggest he did initially mean to do it) by parking his SUV in front of a train. I guess he thought it would make a bit explosion if he doused his SUV with gasoline first too. He jumped out of his car at the last minute, but the train derailed and hit another one after hitting the SUV. 11 people dead, a whole bunch injured (200 or so), and they can't decide if they should try for the death penalty on this one? Can anyone say duh? He wanted to kill himself - took out 11 people in his "attempt" - let's finish it for him, shall we? Why couldn't he just get some pills or a rope like normal suicidal people do? I mean jeez! Oh, but they say he wanted to get his wife's (he's separated and she's got a restraining order, by the way) attention. I'll bet he did too. I'd be upping the mileage on how far away he has to stay away from my house if I were her.

And then there's the bit about the Iraq abuse allegations. I guess it wasn't just an isolated incident. Nope, there's all sorts of red-blooded Americans and the occasional British citizen as well, over there beating up already captured prisoners. Because, gosh, nothing says you're a "man" like beating a helpless prisoner up with a baseball bat. Or making naked prisoners form a human pyramid. Or dragging them around by a leash. Why am I suddenly reminded of Nazis? And, again, I find it interesting that I found that one in the BBC headlines instead of ours.

There's more. There's plenty more. There's always more.

I just don't want to read any more today.

Choosing sides on an age-old debate

2005-02-09T15:01:00.000-06:00

I seem to be posting here weekly. I mull and chew over the news until I see something that I want to comment on. That's fine. I post on my other blog daily, even when I have nothing much to say. That blog is a journal. This blog is something else entirely.

I was going to post in regards to this post over at Alas, a Blog, where I found this page, of which Ampersand says: "Someone on a men’s rights forum suggested this link as a one-stop summary of what men’s rights activists are complaining about. So, in case you were wondering…"

I was wondering. My own husband has been discriminated against, during the days when he was doing temp jobs as an Administrative Assistant. I guess people don't want some guy as their secretary, especially if he's got longer-than-average hair. It weirds them out. He lost two temp jobs due to "dress code" issues. He dresses very sharp - vest-suits. He is often overdressed for the first week, if its business casual, until he feels out what the dress code there is. When he's at work, and always ties his hair neatly back until given an a-okay by the bosses. I, however, have never been sent away from a job due to "dress code" issues. For a while we had nearly the same qualifications, and applied for very similar positions. But I am female. Women are supposed to be good secretaries - right? Whatever. We've moved on to different things since then. I'm just saying that discrimination does go both ways. I'm all for equality.

I did have issues with the section of the article on circumcision. We anguished over that decision when we had our son. We read some stuff, and that one was more heavily my hubby's decision than mine - he had more personal experience with what it was like to be a circumcised man. We decided to have our son circumcised. Why? In the end, it was a) supposed to be easier to keep him cleaner, and therefore healthier, and b) the cleaner it was, the more likely a woman would be to give him blowjobs once he was old enough for that sort of thing.

What? Yes, I want my son to have a good sex life one day. Get over it.

But then I went back over to Alas, a Blog today and the discussion has been about abortions/pro-life/pro-choice/etc. So I thought I'd put in my own opinion on that little doozer of a topic.

Okay, so here's how it falls. In the final weeks before I had my son, I made a point of putting some things down in writing. It was mostly a list of things I did and did not want done to myself or my child during the delivery. While I made that list up, I made it clear to my husband - "If something should happen and they have to choose between saving my life or that of the baby - save the baby." We'd also decided, long before we were ever pregnant or even married, that if birth control had failed and I'd suddenly found myself pregnant we would keep the child.

For my own body only - I am pro-life. If I were raped and it yeilded a pregnancy - I would still keep that child and love him or her.

But - and this is a big, huge, monsterous BUT - in the overall scope of things, I am pro-CHOICE.

A couple should have the right to choose.

Let me say that again, folks - a COUPLE should have the right to choose. Unless the pregnancy is a result of rape. Then there was a crime involved. Then the VICTIM should be allowed to choose.

The child? The child already has made that choice. If aborted, that child's soul will move on to the next life it is meant to experience. If you're Christian, you can think of it as that child getting to skip all the pain in life and bounce straight up to heaven. Feel better now? No? Not so simple eh?

Because it's not that simple, I know. The whole debate is based very heavily in religious beliefs. When does life begin? Defining that is a huge problem. It's not like you can just stick a microphone in and ask "Hey! You alive yet?" Some people say it's at birth. Some people say it's when the brain starts growing. Some say it's the moment of conception, when the egg and the sperm combine. Some define life as a spiritual thing.

My own mother had an abortion. I always wished I'd had an older brother or sister to look out for me while growing up - imagine my surprise when she told me that she'd been pregnant. Her folks took her out of state, somewhere it was legal to get an abortion at the time. She was 18 years old. She didn't know until she was lying on the table and drugged up that she had to sign as an adult. She was told by her parents that they'd leave her there if she didn't sign the papers and get the abortion. She signed the papers. She always regretted it.

How would having that child have changed her life? Would I still have been born? Would the friend that had offered to marry her (she didn't know that until afterwards either) really have followed through with it? Would my father have owned up to getting her knocked up that first time? Who knows? Who cares? It didn't happen, wasn't meant to be. Focus on what is happening instead of what might have been.

I feel the same way about abortion as I feel about religion - don't force your opinions upon me. I was born with free will, and the ability to make my own decisions. That includes how I feel about God and whatever "relationship" I choose to have with him. That includes how I feel about when life begins and whether or not I choose to have a child. It's personal. It's my choice. In the case of a child, it's the man who got me pregnant's choice as well. He should have a say - that child is half him too.

Your tax dollars are going where??

2005-02-01T17:29:00.000-06:00

So the BBC news knows the story. Ironically enough, I came across it in their "Americas" headlines before I saw it anywhere else. I guess the Illinois papers don't think it's a big enough story, although the Chicago Tribune has it, but I had to search. I also had to search to find the story on CNN. And we wonder why other countries view us so poorly - they're better at broadcasting the bad news than we are, I guess.

Yeah, okay... so this guy, Michael Ross, was supposed to be executed on Monday. He killed 8 people. He confessed. He's been convicted. He's been on death row for a long while now, and I guess he's tired of it. He's stopped fighting his death sentence and is ready to chuck in the towel. Score one for the taxpayers who have to pay for the prisons - right?

Wrong. Now they've gotta spring for psychoanalysis to make sure that Michael Ross is "mentally competent to decide his fate" according to the CNN article. I guess there's this thing called "death row syndrome" that these hardened criminals get after they've been there for a while.

Awwwwwwww. Gosh, like, how awful for them. Those pooooor widdle murdering bastards.

I mean c'mon already!

It's no wonder crime is so abundant in today's America - we don't have the balls to actually do anything bad to the criminals! We feed, clothe, and shelter them instead! And when they confess to something like murder, we allow them years of appeals on their sentence. And, if it's the death sentence - now we have to make sure that they are "competent" enough to die...

I am, in fact, astonished. This guy crossed that invisible line in the sand in my mindset. Just finish it already. He wants to die now? Even better - let him have it.

Spark-Poof!

2005-01-24T21:58:00.000-06:00

I won't generally be posting here over the weekends much. I have both other blogs to attend to and, well, a life. I'm also generally using this as more of a topic blog than I normally do, and sometimes browsing through the news for stuff I want to comment on here can be depressing as hell.

On that note, some amusing news I came across instead: Blaze burns firehouse. Apparently the firemen were busy out fighting a fire when an electrical panel in their Chicago fire station went all spark-poof and lit the place up. Now wouldn't that just suck? You go busting your ass to fight a fire and then come back to find the fire station burning? Ouch!

I just find that one ironically amusing.

The Cold Shoulder of Capitalism

2005-01-19T13:18:00.000-06:00

The recent cold here in the Chicagoland area, and this article has me thinking about other people who are putting a price on human life. Those companies who provide us with some of the basic essentials that are needed in today's society. Heat, is an excellent example right now as temperatures dip into the frigid. But some people are having their heat turned off for non-payment.

This article, at the same site, mentions that as of December 23rd there had already been 8 cold-related deaths in cook county. An article at another site talks of one this year, but I haven't been able to find stats for how many have died in January, while our temperatures have been dramatically dipping.

Now, apparently public aid is trying to do something to help people get their heat turned back on. That's all well and good, but it's obviously not working well enough. There are certain basic needs that a human being has - food, water, and shelter! In my opinion, shelter in this day and age should include heat and/or air circulation such to keep one from freezing or sweltering to death! It sounds like the shelters are full up. So what are the rest of the people without heat supposed to do? Those shelters are supposed to be for those without homes at all, aren't they? Because the people who do have homes are supposed to have heat!

But, if you can't afford it, you're SOL. Oh, and it's all well and good if you managed to scrape enough together to pay an outrageous gas bill, but if you couldn't pay the electric then you are still screwed if any part of your heater needs electricity to work. So there's another pocket you have to line in order to survive the winter. Or you could just pay an outrageous electric bill instead if you have electric heat.

We've "evolved" beyond being able to just huddle around the fireplace. We rely upon the technical marvels we've created to supposedly make our lives easier. But we also seem to be charging for those technical marvels even after we've taken them forward to the point where we can't do without them.

Apparently it is no longer "survival of the fittest" in our society, it is now "survival of the greediest" instead. I didn't know the rights to "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" came with a clause - "assuming you can afford it."

Somebody turn up the heat for crying out loud. Or else throw open the doors to the office buildings of the gas and electric companies and public aid and let the people without heat sleep there until their heat has been restored. How's that for a solution? Maybe they could sleep at City Hall until the Mayor does something about it? I'll bet they've got heat.

The Price of Human Life

2005-01-17T14:36:00.000-06:00

Well, we wouldn't want kt to stop thinking this was his "fan blog" now, would we? hrmf.

I want to know how it is he can put a price on human life. According to a recent post, he's charging 25 grand for "offing" some rapist. How does he come to that number I wonder? Carolina appropriately pipes in by saying the value of a human being's life would be "priceless" in her view. I tend to agree.

So how does one decide what to "charge" for such a "service"? Is it based on the cost of the expenses to do the job plus an upcharge based on cost of living? Or is it some random number plucked out of kt's head? I'd like to know.

So here, kt, measure me. I'm a married, mother of a small child (under age 2) who lives in the suburbs of Chicago. I haven't committed any crimes. Hell, I haven't even had a speeding ticket in more than ten years! I tend to be quiet, but friendly to those people who are outgoing towards me. I do the shopping once or twice a week, but most of the time I'm at home with my son. In the evenings, my husband drives home from work and we have dinner and play with our son. We'll watch some television or do stuff on our computers before he goes to bed. Sometimes we'll even (gasp!) have sex. After he goes to sleep, I'm usually up alone until midnight. I have a reasonably simple, ordinary life. I haven't hurt anyone.

But, should someone want me dead for some odd reason, how much would it be to kill me, kt? How much is my life worth in your eyes?

Answer me that, and then I'll let you know how much value yours has in mine.

C'mon, tell me who are you?!

2005-01-14T22:54:00.000-06:00

Found this over at Carolina's Blog, and had to give it a try. I am entirely unsurprised by the result:

I am a Hippy

Which America Hating Minority Are You?

Take More Robert & Tim Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim Cartoons

I hear 70's tunes dancing about in my head now. Coo-coo-ka-choo. I guess I was born a couple decades too late. lol.

Of others who dreamed

2005-01-14T09:17:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, Martin Luther King, Jr. would turn 76 if he were still alive. I took the time this morning to read a couple of his speeches and some of the other info from the web site I linked above - the MLK Papers Project at Stanford University. I may just be some white girl from the suburbs of Chicago, but I can still say that some of those speeches resonate with me. From the little I read it seems as if he wasn't just talking about the black community - he was talking about all of mankind. He was definitely a man ahead of his time.

I wonder what he'd think of the world today? If he'd lived, I'd bet good money that America would be a far different place because of it.

Added note: for those in the Chicago area, I came across this article about a museum exhibit on Martin Luther King, Jr. that just opened sounds interesting. I have to wonder why they didn't keep it to 76 photographs though, instead of 78. One for each year since his birth would have seemed more symbolic you'd think.

Sorry, but you can't "afford" to be sick right now

2005-01-13T01:32:00.000-06:00

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there were 282,909,885 people living in the United States as of their 2003 census count. They mention that the data does not include people in dorms, institutions, and other group quarters, so for easier math we'll round up instead of down - 283 million.

According to the a report done by Jeanne Lambrew, senior fellow at the Center for American Progress, there are 45 million uninsured Americans. They got their information from the census bureau too, they just sum it up easier. They've got a neat bunch of comparisons to put that number in perspective. They didn't compare it, however, to the amount of people currently unemployed. I looked to the pdf file found here (top link) for some more info:

The percentage and number of people covered by employment based health insurance fell between 2002 and 2003, from 61.3 percent and 175.3 million to 60.4 percent and 174.0 million.

The percentage and number of people covered by government health insurance programs increased between 2002 and 2003, from 25.7 percent and 73.6 million to 26.6 percent and 76.8 million, driven by increases in the percentage and number of people covered by Medicaid (from 11.6 percent and 33.2 million to 12.4 percent and 35.6 million) and Medicare (from 13.4 percent and 38.4 million to 13.7 percent and 39.5 million).

The proportion of children who were without health insurance did not change, remaining at 11.4 percent of all children, or 8.4 million, in 2003. With an uninsured rate at 19.2 percent, children in poverty were more likely to be uninsured than all children.

They also mention that the number of people with health insurance coverage increased by 1 million in 2003 to 84.4 percent of the population. However, they estimated that the number of people without insurance was up .4 percent - 15.6 in 2003 from 15.2 in 2002. The population increase between 2002 and 2003 is listed at approximately 281 million. Which means that of the two million more people in the United States over one year span - only half of them got to have insurance. Or, if they did, someone else lost out in their place.

Based just on the 283 million people and 45 million uninsured numbers - 1 in just over 6 people are living without health insurance in America right now. Some of which (about 5% of the uninsured) are children.

And those insurance companies are getting big bucks out of those who do have it, and then screwing the doctors who turn and hike the prices - gack! Captitalism again.

To me, this means 1 in 6 people who might get turned away at a hospital if their need is not considered an "emergency". 1 in 6 people who might need healthcare but can't "afford" to have it. 1 in 6 people who might have to declare bankruptcy if an emergency situation might fall upon them.

I heard a story recently of someone who had that happen to them. Sick with the flu and other pre-existing conditions and suffering terribly without family to help care for them, they went to the hospital for help. The hospital turned the person away.

I know of another situation where a woman recently got a job after a long search, but benefits hadn't kicked in yet when she suddenly required surgery. So now, just as she and her husband thought they were about to get back on their feet, they are going to have medical bills up the ass to deal with first. It may be another year before they can start to get some savings again.

I know of another family without insurance too - mine. My hubby is changing jobs right now and we're caught in that in-between state while we wait to see if the new one comes through. Every sniffle out of my child is under scrutiny right now as I worry over what happens to us if illness strikes. We've been without insurance before, and only barely managed to avoid bankruptcy because of it. But when you are in pain, you'll hand them the damn credit card if it's the only way to receive treatment. It's when you start wondering if they'd literally take an arm or a leg that you know it's gotten bad.

Not to mention, in my own experience, they treat you like shit when you don't have insurance. I felt like a fucking number the last time. Half the doctors I tried refused to even talk to me. Aparently, if you are unable to procure insurance for yourself, you are too low on the totem pole to be worth medical care.

People say that we have better doctors here in America than in other countries. That's all well and good if they are willing to bother with you. At least in countries with national heath care systems there is still health care available to you, regardless of your financial situation. But here, it's not a national community at all, but survival of the fittest. And apparently "fittest" means the one with the most ca$h. Whatever happened to this part of the Hippocratic Oath - "I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick."

We rush to help other countries for all manner of reasons, but do we help our own? Nope. Not a chance of that here in the land of opportunity. I guess it must be better to let them die - one less person to step over on your way to the top!

Maybe if I asked politely, one of those other countries would give *us* aid? Hmmm.

Another unrelated point of note - did you ever notice we can call it a "war" on drugs, but when real soldiers are deployed it's a mere "conflict"? If only we cracked down on drugs the way we've dropped the shit down in the middle east! Why we could have it fixed in a matter of months, yes? Let's really put those generals to work!

Freeverse Ramble #1

2005-01-10T19:25:00.000-06:00

Some moments
I can shut out
the noise of the world

It is in these moments that I see
deer, frolicking
beside a forest of trees
a carefree kitten playing
with the morning breeze
a small, innocent child
startled by a sneeze

These moments are
innocent.
pure.

They make me fill to bursting with joy.

Some moments
I let the world in
and the noise surrounds me

It is filled with anger and pain
greedy people stealing
from those who believe
angry people taking lives
from those who would bleed
selfish people who seem to think
the world should bend its knee

These moments are
corrupted.
vile.

They leave me weeping.

My own judge and jury.

2005-01-09T01:44:00.000-06:00

I wasn't going to post about kt tonight. But I wanted to address a comment left on his site by Yolie recently:

"
See? That's what I'm talking about. I was speaking metaphorically, not saying that YOU have someone clean your house. It was used as a comparative analysis (got my college background out of the way).

When we play judge and jury to someone based on what they do, we should also take a look at our way of living and doing. Are we that inline with what someone might define as a "good" life?

What's a question of morality for you, may not be for others. If you agree with the death penalty, doesn't that speak to your morals and values? Death is death. Whether it be at the hands of a hit man or a licensed doctor administering a lethal injection."

In reference to the "clean house" thing, my reply was meant to indicate that I take responsibilty for my own actions. If I do not have the energy to clean my house just then (to continue your analogy), then the house does not get cleaned. It can wait, or perhaps it wasn't as dirty as I thought it was to begin with. I do not just whip out the yellow pages and find the nearest person I can pay to do it for me. In this, I am passing "judgment" you might say, on those who would hire someone to do their "dirty work" for them. They need to let go of their need to have that "house" cleaned and move on. Or, if they want it cleaned that badly, then they should get the 409 and washcloth out and deal with it themselves, the cowards. And deal with the consequences for their actions as a result.

That said, there are always exceptions. There are instances where the death penalty really ought to be applied. There are some people beyond help, for some reason inexplicable to me. I wish I could deny it, but I try not to hide my head entirely in the sand. I keep rubbing at it though. Boy does my scalp itch sometimes. Those who would murder people in a slow and brutal fashion, for example. Those who would kill innocent children. I have no tolerance for those people. Similar, yet in a different sense, to the soldiers who choose a risky path (as I mentioned in my comment on kt's blog), those people have made a choice too - they've chosen to commit a terrible crime. They've chosen poorly. And they should have to deal with the reprecussions of that choice, just as any soldier who is sent into a conflict has to deal with the possibility that they could be killed.

I do judge myself. Constantly. In fact I'm often told I am rather harsh when doing so. I hold myself to a higher standard. I may not stop for every stranded motorist, but I'm the type of person who runs after someone because they dropped a dollar bill on the grocer's floor. I'll talk to the lonely little old lady who asks me to get something down off the top shelf for her, because I know she a) can't reach it, and b) is lonely. We discard our elderly these days. They have so much wisdom to give us and we huddle them together in "retirement communities" and the like, where we forget about them until they waste away from being forgotten.

I judge myself on the standards of those who came before me. I judge myself on the standards I hope my child will grow to have. I judge myself on the standards of my perfectionist mother, even though she is no longer alive to be critical of me anymore. I judge myself on what I wish the world would be. How can I ever expect the rest of the world to care if I don't start caring first.

As for the question of whether or not my moral standing on the issue of murder is "moral" to others - I will say again that the majority has spoken. Look at the law books. Look at the religious texts. I am not alone in saying murder is wrong. The jury has spoken. And, if I wasn't already making the choice that murder is wrong. I have chosen to live in this country and try to follow its laws. So has kt. That doesn't mean we have to believe in the laws, but we aren't supposed to go around blatantly breaking them either.

Just don't get me started on traffic laws. Then the whole country would be against me. Except, perhaps, for the ones that decide the speed limits.

Oh, and I now have to go get a blogroll once I post this. In one of Yolie's posts, she sold me with the following line:

"If you’re still confused, I’ll be happy to arrange you a ride on the short bus. Meep. Meep."

I think it was the "Meep"s that got me really. You'll be first to go up on the blogroll for that one, Yolie!

Hold your child close, for his breath came from yours.

2005-01-07T23:08:00.000-06:00

Okay, this article disturbs me. And since that's what this blog is really about, despite kt deciding this is his "fansite" (whatever, dude), I'm going to share. This is another example of someone who has overstepped the line of morality in my opinion.

The article talks about a guy who had himself a collection of child porn. It's not the high end of the age range that bothers me so much - I don't like it, but a sixteen-year-old isn't as horrible. Some people have been known to marry that young.

But a 3-year-old?

Who the fuck gets off at the idea, much less the goddamned footage, of a 3-year-old being raped?

NO!

For God's sake man! Get some anime or something, but don't give these fucked-up bastards an audience!

And how the hell did that child end up in such a situation in the first place? And who the hell could be so cruel as to rape a child?

I know. I'm breathing here, honest. But I'm pissed. I have an especially sore spot when it comes to hurting children. I think that is, by far, the worst possible sin. This story, which talks about a woman who killed her 11-month-old baby by cutting off her arms, for example, turns my stomach so hard it makes me want to vomit and cry all at once.

HOW COULD SHE???

Post-partum depression my ass! There is something seriously fucked up with that woman!

And the kid was 11 months. What could an 11-month-old possibly do to get her so upset that she would do something that horrible?

During the first three months after my son was born, I remember being exhausted and upset. The baby wouldn't stop crying. My hubby didn't get much time off work, and spent his vacation to stay a couple weeks at home but after that it was really rough. I remember times when he wouldn't stop crying and I could actually understand how some mothers could accidentally shake their baby. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to always set the baby down somewhere safe and walk away for a while, to breathe and focus. I understand now why they reenforce that in the hospital after your baby is born. "Remember, never shake your baby," they told me. It was written on pamphlets they gave me too, in amongst the coupons and other stuff I sorted through when I got home. But the thing is - I didn't shake my baby. Not because of the warnings I received. But because I love him. He came from me. He's a part of me.

There wasn't a pamphlet that told me not to cut off my kid's arms though. And I wouldn't have thought to put one either. Why? Because I didn't think it was something anyone would ever really DO! Oh my God!

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Okay, I feel better now.

I can't stand people hurting children. It's wrong on so many levels. I wish I could say that any mother would be able to back me up on this, but I'd apparently be wrong. At least if the statistics are any indication. Read them. They make me cry.

Have we all just become so stressed that we're letting our inner demons out? What? What is happening to people?

Dear God, Wherefore art thou?

2005-01-07T18:37:00.000-06:00

Where has the morality gone? Someone please tell me that it still exists.

I need to address another comment made over on KillingTime by Amara:

One's morals and values belong to an individual; whatever KT considers to be moral is between him and God, and not really for the rest of us to make assumptions about. Who made YOU God and what makes you think morals HAVE to be discussed here? What good does it do to have an "holier than thou" attitude when it isn't going to change anything? Or when it doesn't affect you?

Now, first of all, if you pop by Amara's blog, you'll notice that one of the words she uses to describe herself (I'm making an assumption on the idea that "Amara" is a female, by the way) is "atheist". I just think that's an interesting thing to point out before we move on to the whole "God" thing.

My own beliefs are not conventional, to say the least. I believe we are all connected to one another. And we are all responsible for each other as well. As for God - well, that's a more complicated subject than I'd like to get into right now. I believe in God, just in a different way than most are accustomed to thinking.

There's a common thread of cynicism I see around me, where people seem to think that they can't make a difference by making their voice heard. Bullshit. Make your voice heard. You may find that the people around with you agree and that you making your voice heard will inspire them to do the same. Like wildfire, it spreads.

So I want to spread the word that people shouldn't kill each other? So what? A whole bunch of people suddenly come down on me for speaking my mind on the subject. Sorry, but I live in America - free speech, baby! Hell, it's one of the laws here that I can support. If kt has the right to talk about killing people for a living, I've got the right to stand up and say it's wrong.

Now, on the subject of morals overall - religion aside, we have put laws into effect, many of which supposedly reflect the majority in this country, and the morals of that majority. One of those laws is that you can't just go around killing people here. In fact most (although possibly not all) countries have laws in effect that say the same thing! I'd have to say that that reflects a majority decision from the global community that killing is, in fact, wrong.

Now, indeed, many of those laws stem from the same laws written into the religious "lawbooks" - or bibles if you will - throughout the world as well. Most religions condemn the taking of another life. That is part of why there is so much shock and dismay over what is happening in the middle east. Except there are still some religions that allow for "holy killings" - killing those who are not of their religion. On that, I have to disagree. I just don't see anyone getting to "heaven" or whatever they feel awaits beyond death, on a wave of blood and death. Not that kt is doing this as some sort of religious crusade, so I can't even stand back and say "Oh, but it's part of his religious beliefs" as some level of justification for what he does.

KT seems to want to make the distinction that many of the people he takes money to kill are bastards. Are they all? We see what he puts up there for us to read. How many people each are killed because they got in the way of some bastard and someone was willing to take money in exchange for offing that person? KT threw up statistics today on how many people died in Chicago in 2004. Kudos to the Chicago PD, whom I'm sure are greatly responsible for that decrease, as well as to those programs like Ceasefire out there trying to stop the violence. Sadness for those 449 who did die though - how many of those were children? And what about Catherine Coleman, the first murder victim of the year? According to the article kt links there, we're still averaging about 9 deaths per week. Just because it's better than last year, doesn't mean it's not still a problem.

Arson suggests that "no one is perfect", which is entirely true. However, I'm not asking kt to be perfect - that's impossible. I'm asking him to follow the rules of "right and wrong". I suspect that Arson, who has a small child of her own, is trying to teach that child the same values. I have a small child as well.

I will add that the only really "morally questionable" things I may have really ever done I keep in the bedroom and don't affect anyone other than my consenting hubby. And I'm not hurting anyone in the process either. How would you like to be the one on the other end of that gun though? What would you do if a hit man came for you? You'd question his morals then. I'd bet on it.

I find myself wondering what kt's fiance would think of what he is doing now. It's clear that she had issues of her own (he told us a while back that she killed herself), but I don't think she was the only unbalanced person in their relationship. KT says he can sleep just fine at night. I'm not so sure I'm sleeping so well living not far from Chicago. Not far from where a killer sleeps.

Coincidence?

2005-01-07T18:26:00.000-06:00

Hey KT! Lose something?

Student finds gun inside Evanston elementary school

hmmm.

2005-01-07T01:03:00.000-06:00

Just as a contrast, I've started looking to see what other blogs out there get me all worked up, that I normally wouldn't comment on with my usual internet handle. Time to power up my google mojo I guess.

In contrast, one of the first ones I came up with was The Blog of Death. Interesting. Basically an obit blog.

It seems there are still some people out there who care when people die.

I also came across this:

The Air Faerie... You are an interesting breed of
faeries, but the hardest of all to catch. This
is mostly because you don't know you're even
being chased, so easily distracted. You are
playful and hyper. Laughter is the best
medicine, that's your motto. Some see you as
airheaded, but really you aren't. You can be
intellegent when you want too, you'd just
rather play. Life is short, you make the best
of it.

What's your inner Faerie?
brought to you by Quizilla

Since this is a new blog, not connected in any way to my regular one (which actually tells people my real name and damn near lets them mapquest to my house), I'll have to settle for different measures in letting people in on my personality. Perhaps I'll do more of these little quiz things from time to time. Dunno.

If Jimmy jumped off a cliff, would you?

2005-01-07T00:59:00.000-06:00

From a comment by kt on his blog, KillingTime:

Plenty of people have the balls to do their own killing.

It happens about 600 times a year here in Chicago alone.
Some of that is gang violence. Some is drug related. Some of it is stray shots from drive by shootings at random targets.

What about executives that decide to lay people off and have a lackey in HR do it so they don't have to see the faces of the people being canned?

What about lawyers that... OK, maybe I don't have to even finish that sentence.

People do things as bad or worse than murder all the time.

...

And that makes it - okay? Holy fuck! Gosh, I didn't know that because all the "cool" kids were doing it, going out and shooting someone had suddenly become this okay thing to do! Where can I get my machine gun, 'cause there's plenty of people out there who've pissed me off over the years. I've had people rip me off on countless occasions, for example, so I can go and shoot them now - right?

Just because the Chicago PD isn't able to take care of all the gang violence and drugs doesn't give someone the right to start up a fucking business killing people for a living.

Taking a weapon and purposefully killing someone with it is murder, folks! Thou shalt not kill. Remember that one anyone?

How absurd to find myself quoting from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"...

"Because it's wroooong."

And this guy even has the hypocrisy to go to church! He must be Catholic. They're the only religion I know where you can pay your way into salvation from your sins.

Morality

2005-01-06T20:38:00.000-06:00

I find myself putting up a goddamned blog today. Why? So I can post on some killer's site, and attach an identity to it that isn't connected to me personally. So here it is. Perhaps I'll use it to discuss morality - something that kt appears to be lacking.

It's a sad, sad day that a "hit man" can have a web site and people do nothing more than give him condolences on the loss of his mother and advice for his damned cat.

I feel for Walther. But not for him.